The day I got kicked out of yoga class.

@Alchemy Yoga 

10.00am - Dharma Mittra (didn't even begin!)

Now before you all jump to conclusions and think, "oh, I'm sooooo not surprised, it's about time this happened" I know exactly what you're all thinking. Mainly because I started a conversation with the title of this blog when I was chatting with some friends in London and most were like: "Was it because you were talking loudly?" or "Was it because the teacher said something and you just found the sexual innuendo in it and started giggling?" or "Did you suddenly jump up and break into interpretive dance accompanied by the overuse of very non-yoga jazz hands?"

NO PEOPLE! NONE of those things! I legitimately, certifiably, actually got kicked out of yoga. Or, at the very least, heavily persuaded to leave.

Wow, I don't really know where to start actually.  Today, Friday 14th June 2013, was the first time in my life I've EVER been kicked out of a yoga class.  A small man with big rimmed glasses; a giant ego and sense of entitlement and the most judgemental look EVER, kicked my friend and I out of his yoga class!

So, my friend Kathryn decided to join me which was great. I'd made my friend Sammie come to yoga with me in New York, so it was Kathryn's turn in London. I love friends. I love that friends do stuff they don't really want to do, just because they are your friend and want to hang with you. Friends are so important. They teach you to be selfless and accept you just the way you are.  They are a rarity.

Hot, intimidating, model chick at Reception.

Kathryn has done a bit of yoga and has been a dancer since she was 3, so she's certainly no unco (That's Australian for uncoordinated...we shorten everything, we're lazy).  In fact, her dancing is exceptional. We met each other doing Fame - The Musical and the choreographer loved her.  I, myself, was considered an "intermediate dancer".  Better than nothing.

Anyway, after much research, I was trying to make my way through the list of Top 10 Yoga Studios in London according to The Elephant Journal.  We finally found this amazing yoga studio called Alchemy Yoga, in some old horse stables. They aren't actually horse stables now, but they used to be. They are currently all converted to lovely markets and such. We paid our 16 pounds to the hot, intimidating, model-type chick at the Reception and she failed to tell us that the class was REALLY advanced. (This was a crucial point in the ensuing scenario).  Also, she couldn't add up my change properly.  It is pretty hard subtracting four from a twenty after all.  Ahem, so I read about the class, Dharma Mittra, during my research and knew it would be a bit stronger, with inversions and stuff, but wanted a challenge and also wanted to learn a bit more about the deeper meditation it offered.  I was sure my friend would be fine. Little did I know about the events that were about to unfold!

Kathryn and I set up our mats and looked around the class. It was certainly an intimidating space, particularly because of the big, black, sign that read: "Alchemy yoga students ONLY past this point". Yikes!  I should have listened to my gut then.  Again, it had big mirrors on either side of the room, which reflected each other and then made that reflection of a reflection of a reflection thing. I don't know about you, but that kinda freaks me out. Two mirrors facing each other, surely that's bad feng shui or something? What about balances? Where are you supposed to look in tree pose?  Thus far, the yoga classes I've been to here in London have all had mirrors.  Weird.  I didn't think yoga was supposed to do the mirror thing, other than Bikram of course. Anyway, there were lots of fit-looking yogi types all doing stretches, handstands and one even doing a hardcore ballet sort of move with her leg right up behind and past her head and she was all like looking at herself in the mirror and stuff...clearly, I did ballet for one year when I was, um, like 8 years old, so I'm definitely a pro and know the ballet lingo.  So yes, rather intimidating and not at all what I'd envisage a yoga studio feel.  It felt more like a dance class, with all the cool kids at the front and talking about the last class and stuff. 

So, the teacher bundled himself into the class, put down his bag and looked around.  He was short, very short.  He had dark hair and big rimmed glasses and was wearing white flowy pants and a white singlet top that showed off his sinuey arms. He put his hands on his hips, in a way that only the gays can and suddenly noticed Kathryn and I.  He then made a beeline for us, shuffling his teeny, tiny hips very hurriedly.  We were sitting on our mats and he sort of looked us over, pointed between the two of us and was like, "Um, so you haven't been here before." It was a statement, not a question. We sorta replied with, er, "No". He was then all like, "Well, this is a very advanced class, did the receptionist tell you that?" Again, we replied with: "No", whilst looking at each other with concern.  He then rolled his eyes, looked towards the door and got himself into a bit of a tizz. (That's like the gay version of getting flustered.) He then said, "Well, she really should have told you when you arrived. Hmm, well, this is quite a difficult class, have you done much yoga before?" Kathryn, bless her, responded with, "Well, I'm sort of a beginner and my friend is a teacher (gesturing to me very proudly)".  He then looked at me in that slow up and down look, full of judegement in a way that, again, only the gays can and sighed a little. Wow, I am officially counting that as the second time I've been called fat as a yoga teacher. NO I'M NOT SKINNY! BUT I CAN STILL DO YOGA! There's a mantra for ya! I could not believe this look he had just given me. NO, I don't look like a super no body fat yogini, but I am strong and I can do stuff and I can communicate, surely that's enough to warrant a good yoga teacher?

After he finished judging me, he paused briefly and then launched into a big spiel that went something like this: "So, for example, today's class, the first pose will be crow and then we'll be going straight into a forearm stand and then a bunch of inversions and some other really difficult poses and plus most of the people in this class are teachers so they really know their stuff..."  I sort of just stared back and him and nodded and was like, "Yep okay, no worries" and then looked over at Kathryn who was sitting there sheepishly and very kindly said to me "I can go and you stay and do the class", obviously thinking of a way around this predicament and hopefully away from the scary, small, gay man.  I was thinking about what our options were and I certainly wasn't going to do the class without Kathryn after trudging all the way up to Camden on the Tube.  He was then quick to make the decision for us, pretending like we weren't even there, he continued his tirade with, "...so, it really is a difficult class and if you aren't practising regularly, it really is quite hard" - cue long pause and one more judgemental look at the both of us, accompanied by a slow dramatic pause, then followed by: "...so you are welcome to watch." There it was. That was it. Quote, unquote: "you're welcome to watch" - translation - "don't do my class".   I have never rolled up a mat as fast as that before whilst trying to process in my head what was actually happening.  Was this dude actually kicking us out of the class?  Did he honestly think that we'd gladly sit by the freaky reflection upon reflection upon reflection mirrors and watch them all do yoga for an hour and a half?  I hastily apologised saying "Sorry, we'll just go then". I half rolled my mat, picking up the rest of the flimsy rubber as I reached over, grabbed my bolster and just high-tailed it out of there, leaving poor Kathryn to roll up her mat on her lonesome. We quickly met outside, put our shoes on, got our money back (thank goodness) and left. Also, apparently it hadn't even occurred to the receptionist to tell us it was an advanced class.  Idiot. 

We then went outside, still in shock, but now angry and looked like this:

Kathryn also did this:

                                                               So then I did this:

Then we both went and did this:

Then we were like this:

Bad for yogis:

Wow. I am actually still in shock as I type this. The events that unfolded in that yoga class, in addition to this subsequent blog, were the most non-yogi experiences I've had in the yoga world to date.  After all my years of taking a million different yoga classes, I have never EVER been kicked out! I've certainly left my fair share early of my own free will, because of varying reasons, but never EVER have I not even been able to start one!  This dude had such a sense of entitlement it was unbelievable. The way he went about communicating with us was appalling. That whole scene could have easily been played out differently if he showed a bit of compassion and patience. In the back of my mind I thought about the Yamas of Patanjali actually. Non-violence, non-stealing, abstinence etc.  I guess none of these really applied to this scenario. But the Yamas are supposed to be your actions towards others and yoga people are generally just really nice people. I've decided to create my own Yama called: non-meanness!   I know, not even a word, but good manners are very underrated, especially in today's world.  Please, thank you and goodbye. It's not much to ask. This dude just needed to be nice about it and I wouldn't be sitting here writing this horrible account of our day, albeit, a mere, 5 minutes of our day. The rest of my day was glorious and I ended up having a lovely breakfast and catch up with my friend.  Yogis are always, ahem, usually, really nice people! That's one thing I love about this world of yoga.   Part of making the decision to leave my high-paying job in the corporate world was the motivation to be surrounded by caring, non-judgemental, supportive people like yogis. This guy was none of those things. He was just kinda mean. Plus he smelt. 

Bad for business:

All in all, a terrible experience, not only for me, but for my poor friend Kathryn, who was essentially a new student to the studio and potentially a new student to yoga itself.   This dude has now lost 2 potential customers and may have jeopardised the beginning of a yoga journey for my friend.  No mention of an alternative class on another day that perhaps could have been easier.  No follow up to see if we were okay after we were bundled out of class.  No offer to give our money back, we did that of our own accord, much to the amusement of aforementioned ditsy receptionist. (Not bagging receptionists...I was one for several years, they are always the backbone of any organisation and the hub of social gossip! But like every job, there can be bad ones.) 

As everyone who knows Business 101, customers will rarely tell someone about good service, but almost always tell someone about bad service. They will tell their friends and their friends will tell their friends and so it goes on.  This is the manifestation of that.  I've largely aimed to be positive in this blog and rightly so. Every SINGLE class thus far has been amazing! The teachers lovely, the classes great, the businesses unique and interesting.  This one was just a bad experience. Perhaps he was having a bad day, I don't know, perhaps he's a bad communicator, perhaps he genuinely was concerned for our safety in such an advanced class, but none of that excuses the fact that he's a yoga teacher and he's in a business that provides a service. 

I won't ever go back there. What a shame.